Saying goodbye.........

We spent the next 3 days in the hospital bonding with Lilli (or the chunky chicken nugget, chickie, and any other variation of chicken you could come up with). She was seriously, just perfect.

F was in her own room, and we tried to visit as much as we could - there were many times when she understandably wanted to be alone. F was having a very difficult time, and I had no idea how to help her.

I mean, here is a woman who had just given me the greatest, most selfless gift of all, and I couldn't even do one thing to make her feel better. You can't imagine what a helpless feeling this is.

On June 20th, we were finally released from the hospital. I remember being in F's room so that the pediatrician could clear Lilli to leave and the social worker could talk things over with F.

It turned out that F didn't even have anyone to take her home from the hospital. B and I offered to take her home and get her and the kids settled.

They wheeled Lilli back to the nursery, and B followed to collect all of our things. I was alone in the room with F for the first time.

We sat hugging each other and cried for a good 15 minutes. I told her how much I loved her and what a wonderful gift she had given to us. I promised to love Lilli and to make sure that she always knew how much F loved her too.

It was one of the most defining moments of my life.

We got ourselves together and walked out of the room towards the nursery. Most people would think it was odd that all 4 of us were leaving together - but it didn't feel this way to me.

We drove to F's house, where S, J, and M were waiting for her. We brought Lilli up to meet them and took lots of pictures. Then B and I went out to get pizza for everyone and we left Lilli with them to say good-bye............

My family thought that I had lost it. How could I leave her? What if F changed her mind after being with her? What if it was too hard for the kids?

But Lilli was a part of them - she was loved by them, just as much as she was loved by us.

After lunch, it was time for us to say goodbye. After a few more pictures, we were finally on our way home, but now as a family of 3..........................