How it all works...

The week after our first miscarriage, I started to research adoption. I knew in the back of my mind that IVF was not the answer for us, and I am also a pessimist at heart. I had no clue where to start, who to talk to, which questions to ask, etc. I was 28 and clueless, and the internet became my best friend. I found out that we had a couple of choices when it came to using adoption professionals. I found someone who I really clicked with, and who really helped me through the next several months (we were still pursuing treatment at the time).

When B came home with the glorious news that he was on board the adoption train, I already knew who I was going to call - T. T is a facilitator who has been handling adoptions for over 15 years. She rocks. She held my hand, walked me through every step, explained everything to B (as I am not exactly the most patient person when it comes to him ;) and really made us feel comfortable. As soon as we started the process, it was like a huge weight was lifted - sounds corny, but we actually felt like we had our lives back.

For those of you who are not familiar with how adoption works, it's kinda like this......

1. Be prepared to rob a bank, beg your family members to cash in their retirement plans, or remortgage your house out the wazoo. You have probably spent whatever savings you had on fertility treatments, so there's not going to be a dime left in the bank.
2. You will then have to hand over that huge chunk of cash to the adoption professional you have chosen, praying with all of your heart that they are not a scam and are really going to find you the baby that you so desperately want. To say adoption is a huge leap of faith is an understatement.
3. Paperwork - and lots of it.
4. You will need to have a licensed social worker come into your house to perform a "homestudy" and to ask you every personal question under the sun - including what color underwear you are currently wearing, which you will then need to find the receipt for. This will cost you another chunk of change, so be prepared to sell an organ to come up with it.
5. More paperwork, and while you are at it, just attach a couple hundred dollar bills to each page.
6. Preparing your family "profile". This is a book that you put together which is about you, your family, interests, home, etc. It will then be shown to potential birthmothers who want to place their babies for adoption. The profile is alot of work, but alot of fun too. Oh yea, fun - but pricey.
7. Wait for the phone to ring. Which is actually the hardest part. Can you imagine being on pins and needles every second of the day waiting for the 1 phone call that will change your life forever? I need a xanax just thinking about it.

So I guess I will start from the beginning....

I wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I met my husband, B, when I was 22, and knew very early on that I wanted to marry him and have children! We met down the shore on a random Friday night in 2000 (I won't even get into the story of how we were set up) and really haven't been apart since.

We were married in 2004 and started trying for a baby right away - well, at least I did. B said he wanted to wait a year, but I digress. A year came and went - and nothing. I saw my doctor for another year (who actually turned out to be a moron - but that is another long story that I won't get into) and still nothing. I took matters into my own hands and went to see a specialist (a Reproductive Endocrinologist, or RE for short). B and I went through numerous procedures, surgeries, LOTS of drugs (all legal of course!) and finally moved onto IVF **(invitro-fertilization, for those of you who have been in a closet and haven't heard the term a million times because of the crazy octo-mom). Another year, much heartache, a cool 20k, and 2 miscarriages later, we still had nothing. nada. zero. zilch.

Needless to say, I was devasted, beyond depressed, and not very pleasant to be around. I brought up the idea of adoption to B, and he said he wanted time to think. We had just been through 3 years of hell, so I guess I couldn't blame the guy for wanting a break from anything baby related.

For the next month, I did not mention the "a" or "b" word at all (for anyone who knows me, you are probably wondering how the hell I managed that one, right?). It was tough, reaaaaaally tough.

I was standing in the kitchen one day when B came home from work. He comes in and says, "I think I want to adopt."

UM, 'SCUSE ME???????? That is all I needed to hear, so the journey began................

**edited to add