Trying times....

F and I spoke a few times a week during this time. Whenever she had a doctors appointment, she would call to update me.

I filled her in on what was going on with us, and made sure that the Ice Queen was staying on top of things.

It felt very much like a friendship, but I have to say, a very depressing one. I don't mean that in a negative way at all. I had grown to REALLY love F, and I genuinely cared about her. However, she had no one - at all. No friends, family, co-workers, nada.

All of the emotions that she was going through, (which were many) she shared with me. I was glad, because I wanted to help her through any way that I could, but it also made me feel guilty. This was starting to become a happy time in my life, yet it was the worst time of hers. It was a very hard balancing act to follow. How could I be happy, when she was so sad? We discussed her decision at length, because I in no way wanted her to feel pressured. F assured me that although it was difficult, she knew she was doing the right thing.

I respect the hell out of that woman, and her strength still amazes me to this day......

Countdown...

So the countdown was on! We had 4 weeks until F was due, and each day felt like an eternity.

But we had alot to do. This was going to be a private, domestic adoption, with no agency involved. We had to find a local attorney to handle the hospital birthplan, termination of parental rights, and eventually, the adoption finalization.

We needed to get the basic necessities (my jaded, bitter self refused to believe that this was really real, so there was no way that I was going to buy loads of baby stuff to have sitting around my house.) We ended up getting a car seat, and 1 outfit - 2 things we needed if baby girl was actually going to be ours.

We found an attorney, who I will call the Ice Queen (this is actually me being nice, just in case there are those who are easily offended). Ice Queen's first offending remark:

"Are you sure you want to do this, you are so young and there are so many advances in medical technology now? "

Gee - really? I'm so glad you told me about this, maybe I should reconsider. I will definitely make an appointment to see my doctor, and maybe - just maybe - with another 20k, we will be successful.

Offending comment #2 "Well, you are so pretty, so I am sure you will find a baby quickly. That is really what birthmothers look for. "

Because if I looked like a sea hag, I would suck as a mom? Um, thanks. It never ceases to amaze me how stupid people really are.

Ice Queen was hired because we were under the gun, didn't have many options, and needed to get a plan in action. Needless to say, she would prove to be a real PITA.

So I introduced F to the Ice Queen so that they could get information together for the hospital social worker. F needed to be advised of all of her rights, and I wanted to make sure that everyone was on the same page.


The queen also had also set up a meeting for us that we never expected to have.

BZ, the birthdad, wanted to meet us.

Up to this point, he knew about the adoption plan, was supportive of it, but F said that he didn't want to be involved - so we were surprised that he wanted to meet.

The queen set up a meeting with us and BZ, at another mall closer to our home. B and I spotted him right away, and we introduced ourselves. We sat and talked and he told us about himself. He was 37, had a 15 year old daughter, and drove a truck for a living. BZ told us that he wanted things to work out between him and F, but that it wasn't an option. He knew that he couldn't provide for the baby, but he just wanted to meet us to make sure he was doing the right thing. I thought it was very admirable of him. Though we only briefly spoke, BZ seemed like a really good guy who genuinely had the best interest of baby girl in mind. I was really glad we got to meet him.

We still hadn't told anyone about F, and weren't planning on it. We borrowed a crib and changing table that 3 of my nieces had used, and waited some more.

Thankfully summer vacation was just around the corner!

The real meeting........

So B and I went to meet F at the mall on a Monday afternoon. We were understandably MORE nervous, considering all that just went down. However, I felt a huge sigh of relief when we pulled into the parking lot and I spotted her truck. (there was a very interesting decal on the back windshield, so I will just leave it up to your imagination.......)

When we walked in, F was sitting at the first table, next to the door. My first thoughts? She was beautiful, stunning actually. She was taller than me, had gorgeous, wavy, auburn hair, crystal blue eyes, and lips that would give Angelina a run for her money. She had an enormous belly, but was so "tiny" for a pregnant woman. I hugged her as soon as I saw her - it just felt natural.

F had also brought her 3 children with her....S was 17, J was 11, and M was 8. They were all adorable. F sent them to another table to do their homework so that we could talk. B and I had a "profile" with us, because since we did not find her through our facilitator, we wanted her to have something of us to keep.

Want to know what she brought to the meeting that day?????

An ultrasound picture..................The baby was a girl!

To say we were ecstatic would be an understatement. I mean, obviously we would have been happy either way, I'm pretty sure we would have been happy with a monkey at that point.

The meeting went really well. We talked ALOT. Some things I will not repeat, as I respect F more than anything. But the one thing that I took away from that meeting that has stuck with me.........I couldn't get over how much love her children showed her. I'm a teacher, I see kids every.single.day. The love that was pouring out of all of them was something that you don't see everyday. It made me realize what a wonderful mother she was, not only to S, J, and M, but also to this little girl who was soon to be ours...........