Shocked....

I didn't mention it before, but I am a second grade teacher. Love my job - especially love my summer break! I really like the people I teach with, and we have all taught together for quite some time. If you have ever wondered about what happens in the teachers' lounge, I'm going to tell you - you really don't want to know. Some of the conversations are enough to make a grown man blush, but they are usually the highlight of my day.

So that is where I was when I got "the call". I was just about to go back into my classroom when my cell rang, and it was F (Ann's patient). Needless to say I was shocked, stunned, scared, sweaty, and every other "s" adjective you can think of. I had no idea what to do, say, think - because I never in a million years thought that I would be getting a call (or if I did, T - our facilitator- would be preparing me for it).

I was a bumbling idiot to say the least. I ducked into the first grade classroom (because it is the only room the gets cell reception) and basically kicked the teacher and her students out (thankfully she is a good friend of mine and knew it had to be something big).

I told F that I was glad she called, that I was sorry to sound like a flake, but that I was really nervous to speak with her. She admitted that she was nervous too, which made me feel a little better. F told me about herself - she was 39, single, was raising 3 kids on her own, and that she was in a relationship with the birthdad for 6 months, but then they had split up. She told me that while she wished she did not have to place the baby for adoption, she knew it was the right thing to do, because she could not provide enough for herself and the kids, let alone a baby. (F was also familiar with adoption, as she had placed a baby boy 16 years earlier).

I told her about myself and B and what our life was like. We talked about my infertility and how Ann had told her how much we wanted a baby. We spoke for a good 45 minutes and agreed to meet the following week at the mall for lunch. F asked me to come alone, as she was not ready to meet B just yet, as she is a pretty private person. I agreed and hung up the phone shaking like a leaf.

That phone call came on the due date of the baby we lost in our first miscarriage.

When I called B, he didn't believe me. Over the weekend we couldn't even talk about it, because we were afraid that we would jinx something. That was Mother's Day weekend of 2007.

Do you have the chills yet?